4.11am now. Still haven try to go onto my bed now. Hmm.
Thinking of what to do for the upcoming days.
I dont feel like working. However, holiday expenses are going way to high. Sigh.
Whatever

I am wondering alot of things in my mind now. Be it family, relationships, friendships. I dont know how to express myself now.
I've been to many places at night alone. Wandering around aimlessly. Come to a point where i think that it is pointless. But sometimes, wonderful memories were recalled. However, when i realise that in reality, i'm alone. No one's around me. No one really understands how i feel. Come to a point that i've started to run away. Getting myself involve in sports and games activities. And it's meaningless. Cause i am playing it alone at times. I understand that i shouldn't be like that. However, escaping makes me feel better. Cried in public during wee hours. I asked myself, what for? But i didn't reprimand myself for being so foolish. I guess none really understands me.

I always show the cheerful side of me. I want to bring joy to others. However, when i'm left alone... my mind wonder.

I have never neglected you.
I have never quarrelled with you.
I never ask for more.
No matter what happens at home, i always try to make you laugh whenever you are around.
Most of the time, i wouldn't say always, thinking how to be an ideal boyfriend for you.

But, where are you now?
What are you doing now?

What you have said to me after you left.
Was this all a show?
Well, if it is ... I've been punked... I've been fooled... My heart has been tear apart.

Yet i still say to myself.. I do not mind being fooled. As long as i am with you ... i'll be more than happy. However, judging by the recent scenario, i guess that it's impossible.

4.34am now. Looking out of my balcony.. Then staring at the computer screen. Yet, i dont know what to do. I don't want to waste my time sleeping. Yet, i have nothing to do. Sigh, should i turn in already?

Friendship. Be it ups and downs, we should be there for each other. Deep inside your heart, you ask this question to yourself. Have we really been together? Have we been guiding each other to the correct path? Have we been helping each other along the way? Have we understand each other well enough?

Is this called brothers?
Is this called clique?

(First things first, i am not pointing fingers at anybody. I think of what, i write what. So dont take it to heart)
I wouldn't say to throw your girlfriend to one side and only focus on the group. That make you sound like gay. But asking for day off from your girlfriend wouldn't be so hard. If day off is not possible, drag your girlfriend along? Actively participating in group events? Or do you dont even bother to reply such Msg-es? Perhaps, not even interested? Dont mind me, if the event that is being thought of is too expensive, why not suggest cheaper alternative? I would say that would be better than not turning up for it. That event would be only successful if only ALL turns up.

If progress is not seen, then i suppose that you are not interested and not wanting to be together. So i guess it wouldn't be that same again with one person missing. Then i suggest that we can all leave and say byebye to each other.

Buddy, thanks for being there for me. However i sense that we are not even close to being close. Perhaps, this distance was always there. Thats all i have to say because i dont know what else to add.
If possible, close up the gap, thank you.

Family problems i wouldnt be posting... Everyone has their problems. So worry about yours before concern about mine.

5am already. Finding something to do or going to sleep. Bye.